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???The survivor who was raped at knifepoint feels guilty she has taken up the space of a survivor who was raped at gunpoint. Everyone believes there is suffering worse than her own, that they should be strong enough to cope without me.???
The title undoubtedly refers to how many times this phrase, and similar ones, come up in the essays. Writer after writer wrestles with guilt for feeling pain over something that's “not that bad” compares to someone else, and the realization that what happened was plenty bad. Telling themselves “not that bad” to get through while trying to impress on the people they meet how bad it really was.
Anyhow, these essays are important, informative, and worth your time. We all have the power, in some way, to make this world safer, kinder, more empathetic, to choose to align with the hurt instead of bolstering a system that protects the perpetrator.