The Comfort Book

First line: ”Perhaps home is not a place but simply an irrevocable condition”

Last line: ”A caterpillar disappears into its silk-wrapped cocoon, and things go dark and then…”

You can’t read The Comfort Book just like any other book. Even Matt Haig states in the opening “notes on structure” that this book is “as messy as life itself”. It’s basically a collection of wisdom that can be read consecutively, or just by flipping through the book randomly and reading whichever one lands on.

Sometimes, the nuggets close to each other seem to share common themes, so I found it helpful to read at least the adjacent ones together.

I enjoy Haig’s writing. I love his stories, and even though this book is not a story, I can recognise his writing even in this book.

Whenever I’ve felt down or things have felt hopeless, I’ve always found hope in reading a few of these wisdoms. Sometimes, that is all you need, just to get some perspective, and someone “telling” you that things may look bad from your point of view, but with a different perspective, even the worst things can suddenly look hopeful.

A lot of self-help books fall into a trap of just ending up sounding like a collection of instagram quotes, but this book manages to steer away from this with grace. A lot of this is because many nuggets are written from the voice of Haig himself, almost talking, I think.

I would recommend this book to anyone needing a boost of hope, and I will keep it close at hand, comforted in knowing that I can pick it up when things feel dark, and I need to shift my perspectives.

Favorite passages:

“We all have an impact on each other. We are all connected in so many seen and unseen ways. Which possible explains why one of the simplest and quickest routes to happiness seems to be to make someone else happy. The reason to be selfless is selfish. Nothing makes ourselves feel better that not thinging of our selves.” (p.52)

“Life is understood backward; but it must be lived forward” (Søren Kierkegaard) (p.64)

“There is no point spending your entire life trying to win the love you didn’t feel when you needed it. You sometimes just have to let go of an old story and start your own. Give yourself some love. You can’t change the past. You can’t change other people. You can change you though. You narrate this story. So start to write a new chapter.” (p.66)

“Experience one beautiful thing a day. However small. However trivial. Read a poem. Play a favorite song. Laugh with a friend. Gaze at the sky just before the sun’s final tumble toward night. Watch a classic movie. Eat a slice of lemon drizzle cake. Whatever. Just give yourself one simple reminder that the world is full of wonders. Even if we are at a point in life where we can’t appreciate things, it sometimes helps to remember there are things in this world to enjoy, when we are ready.” (p.79)

“We grow through hard times. Growth is change. And when everything is easy, we have no reason to change. The most painful moments in life expand us. And when the pain leaves, space remains. Space we can fill with life itself.” (p.80)

“Loneliness isn’t an absence of company. Loneliness is felt when we are lost. But we can be lost right in the middle of a crowd. There is nothing lonelier than being with people who aren’t on your wavelength. The cure for loneliness isn’t more people. The cure for loneliness is understanding who we are.” (p.185)

“You don’t have to cope with everything. You don’t have to handle everything. You don’t have to keep a lid on every-thing to get through a day.

You can’t turn tides. You can’t defy gravity. You can’t go against the grain without getting splinters.

But you can drop the disguise. You can feel what you feel. You can stretch out inside yourself.

You can cry. You can feel. You can show what you are.

You can, in fact, be you.” (p.196)