The Good Life - A Short Story

(Originally published at Red Adept Reviews.)

Overall: 3 stars

Plot/Storyline: 3 1/4 stars

I really liked the idea here. Who hasn't fantasized about what they would do if they hit the lottery? Hasn't discussed it with friends? And it's a great inkblot test about who a person is and what they value. The author did a nice job with that last part - the inkblot test. I can't say though that the story completely fulfilled the promise. For better or worse, the ending - at least to me - felt broadcast not only by the story, but also the description, and the cover. This took away somewhat from my enjoyment. (5/12 – looks like the cover has changed so, yay!)

The details of the story seem to involve the main character winning seventy million and taking the thirty million dollar pay-out, but when he tells of winning he talks of instantly considering what he will do with the thirty million figure he would have yet to been quoted, which lead to one paragraph reading, in part, “When you win thirty million dollars it takes less than a nano-second to start thinking of what you are going to do with the money...” and the next paragraph starting out, “I'd just won over seventy million dollars.” It was jarring.

Characters: 3 3/4 Stars

The main character is the only one fleshed out enough to discuss, but it's a short story and so that's fair. The main character is from the beginning, despite having given large chunks of cash to charity, quite unlikable. Narcissistic. There's evidence it might be intentional, but perhaps he's meant to at least be likable enough to be an antihero. Only the author can say. I feel like even in the small amount of words present that this could have been honed or even, for the sake of plot reasons - is that vague enough? - lessened. Still, the fact that I strongly disliked this man means the author made me care.

The author makes a choice to not have the character reveal a key component of why he makes the choices, one choice in particular, that he makes. He says, essentially, “here's a little, no time to tell you the rest, the perhaps pivotal event in my life.” This can be valid, the concept that sometimes in real life people make choices and people looking in never get that missing puzzle piece, never get to find out that Rosebud is a sled. However, in this case, I do feel this story was a line or two, perhaps a paragraph short, of what was needed for symmetry.

Writing Style: 3 stars

In conjunction with the portion discussed under editing, The Good Life reads as if the author has skill, intelligence, and an idea of what makes for a good story, but perhaps chose not to put his full efforts here. It read a little like a first draft and if it were being judged as a first draft, I'd rate it a 4, but this is the version sent out for purchase, and it doesn't feel ready. This is the version I can see being posted to a blog for fun, or sent out to others to see what they think - beta readers/editors - and enjoyed quite a lot in that context. As a final draft, it's not ready quite yet.

Editing: 2 1/2 stars

Pretty error strewn. The mistakes seem a matter of not having the second careful read through or having someone else look it over rather than not knowing better. The issues came down to typos (for instance, “hansd” instead of “hands”), the almost right words (“every” instead of “ever” at least twice, among others), sentences that didn't make sense (“My was my standard response.”) and assorted odd punctuation. Other portions of the story make clear the author knows how to use a comma, so I attribute this to a lack of editing and not a lack of skill.

I feel a certain frustration here, knowing that most of the things that lessened the story for me were for want of a proper edit and one solid rewrite.

(Please note that the author has stated the errors have been corrected. The review is based on the copy I read and I cannot vouch for the new version.)