jess
When I was about halfway through this book I was thinking three stars, then towards the end I was thinking, maybe 2? It's somewhere in between so I'll round to 3. Edit: down to 2.
97% of these stories are the same story, with the same characters, the same thoughts, the same husbands, the same lovers. The last story is actually just a collection of paragraph or even sentence-long stories that are again, all the same. I think if Roxane put the effort into expanding the characters, their worlds, their thoughts, into a novel, this could have been good. I don't doubt that a novel by her would be also the same story. And god the story was hard to read.
It was incredibly predictable and I'm so glad I'm through with it.
Ehhhhh like it was fine? I didn't really feel invested and I felt like most of the time I was waiting for something More but it rarely came. Also I get it the goddam buffaloes went over the cliff. The metaphors or whatever else were pretty and interesting but overused to the point where I'd groan whenever I saw certain things mentioned again. Kept wondering if I'd accidentally turned back 30 pages.
It was very tender, and you can tell a lot of thought went into it. And it wasn't “bad,” it just didn't make me care that much. Which is I guess strange because I liked Night Sky with Exit Wounds. But poetry and novels are quite different and this just didn't feel fully formed to me. Would probably be 2.5/5 if half stars were a thing on goodreads.
Anyway. My hometown had a shoutout in one sentence and that was pretty cool. Reading something set so close to where I grew up and where my parents grew up was cool. CT represent.
Even if I'm wrong
& the light beyond
the door is a light to nowhere
I can still say I tried, at least
for a moment, to live
outside the warm parameters
of my loneliness.
This was really good this put a pit in my stomach but I love that kind of thing so holy crap I need a nice long cry and I'd also love to give this guy a large hug so whoever could arrange that soonest, it would be most appreciated.
My boyfriend Richard Ayoade writing about my husband Mark Ruffalo. And saying ridiculous things that make me laugh out loud on public transportation while reading it when I should really not laugh out loud on public transportation since some people find that strange or even creepy. Anyway, he kept referring to his “nameless publisher Walter” and every time that got me so hard.
it's hard to write a review for poetry so here are some highlights:
“I told myself I was going to stop mourning things that weren't dead yet”
“when she's gone I can only imagine it / as the sadness of wanting a tangible god”
“there should be a trophy for people who still show up for work / even though the whole day they're competing with images / of their own enormous hand sliding gold bullets into / a revolver”
I really liked this. Here are some excerpts:
“Thank you for coming into me, keep me here as long as you can stand my human clutter.”
“Two years ago I listened to the rain on the radiator
sizzle and ping into oblivion.
And I sat up in the no-account streetlight light and said,
No one has done anything to me.
And the drops kept coming like offerings in the obedient now.
That's true. You have done all this to yourself.“
“I say to a stranger, I am harmless.
But the word doesn't seem right. I have been harmed,
but I do not wish to do harm, but I could do harm.
(I am not without desire.)”
“World, turn all you want to,
faster even. I've come to like the way the breeze feels
as it rips me limb from limb.”
I honestly have no idea what most of this was about. But I know that I was moved by it nonetheless. I stared at the words the way I'd start at a massive painting that was only black from edge to edge. I can see future English majors writing 10 page essays about one 15 line poem. There's a lot in here. It's mostly bizarre and abstract but it's still somehow moving.
This was so tender and soft and made me want to text all of my friends that I love them. I love how moved the characters were by their interactions with strangers, because that's something I experience so regularly. A girl at the bar brought me a cup of water when I was upset once, and it made me want to cry more. Just the kindness of someone you don't know thinking they can help you, even if it's just in the smallest way. Even if it's just getting you a water or knocking on your door and saying, you okay in there? Books like this make me feel less alone. Books like this make me feel that the thoughts I have aren't as bizarre as I think they are.
You can definitely tell reading this that this is probably the most personal book John Green has ever written. There were times reading it when I was thinking man, I feel like I'm inside his head. And as Aza says, inside that head is a pretty scary place to me - like a tunnel with all the lights off and no sense of direction and no way to tell what's real and what's not.
I'm finding that with most John Green books, the best parts are the parts with other characters. The main character is always sort of bland, and the love interest is always some overly charming person who also has Issues, and of course I love that. It's the side characters that get me. It was the sad little brother who kept crying and tried not to cry because he knew someone was listening, but he kept crying anyway. These characters are interesting, and their emotions are very well-written. This was one of best depictions of someone with anxiety that I've ever read. It just felt like the plot was just there because there needs to be a plot in YA. But mostly it was about Aza and Davis and everyone's Big Kid Feelings. It was a little predictable at parts, but again, it's YA so that's sort of to be expected. But I enjoyed my time reading it. If half stars were possible I'd do 3.5.
Let me see if I got this right. Ethan marries Zeena because he feels like he has to, and feels he was somehow tricked into this marriage when Zeena ends up being ill. Then Zeena, deciding to be kind, allows her distant relative Mattie to come and stay with them so she can help out around the house. Meanwhile Ethan develops an obsession for Mattie. Then, on the one night Zeena is going to be out of town (TO SEE A DOCTOR! FOR HER ILLNESS!), Mattie takes down Zeena's very fancy very priceless pickle jar (?) and uses it on the dinner table to IMPRESS Zeena's HUSBAND. Then, of course, the dish breaks, Zeena is upset, and wants to send Mattie away to get a “hired girl” who will actually be able to help her in her condition, since, by the way, Mattie is essentially useless with household chores anyway. They can hardly afford to house Mattie, so Zeena wants to switch her out for a girl who can actually do the work needed in order to keep Zeena from oh I don't know maybe dying at any possible minute? From her (vague and unnamed) illness? And I'm supposed to think that Zeena is the bad person here???? Like I get that Mattie doesn't know of anywhere else to go but dang like she was somewhere beforehand and she can go somewhere again and like, if I was Zeena, extremely weak all the time, and I had gone away to see a doctor and the girl that was supposed to be taking care of me is actually trying to steal my husband and breaks my beloved items.... yeah I'd be like hey Mattie fck you too. I didn't think Mattie really had done anything wrong until the goddam pickle jar. Like bitch why.. just why. Anyway.
There were only two books I remember hating from high school - this one and A Separate Peace. I reread A Separate Peace recently and loved it, so I figured I'd reread this one as well. I hated A Separate Peace at the time because it was Too Sad, but now I find I definitely prefer that kind of stuff. I thought I hated Ethan Frome for the same reason but upon rereading it I'm remembering I just thought it was dumb and that I didn't care for any of the characters. I won't say I hate it anymore because it was really well-written. But I still don't feel bad for anyone except Zeena. I'm lowkey kind of happy that what happened in the end happened, because I feel that in a way Zeena got a sort of revenge without doing anything, and no longer seemed to be suffering from generic unnamed illness. I hope she smirks herself to sleep every night.
I don't know what to say I liked this a lot and I cried in the last few chapters. This had such a more hopeful ending than The Shock of the Fall and I needed it so badly. It was really creative. I definitely found the “real” chapters more interesting that the others, but the others were still interesting in their own way. This is my third book I've read this month, and honestly 3 books is probably more than I've read in the past few years combined (excluding poetry collections, short stories, and plays). Sometimes I wish I was the kind of person who didn't cry so much in public but sometimes I'm so thankful for it.
This is, hands down, one of the absolute worst novels I've ever read. I don't think I've ever despised a protagonist as much as I hated Jeremy. And since the story was told through him, every character was an absolute idiot. This is not how real life is. This is not how people talk. You don't just say and do the right things to girls to get them to like you. That's not how girls work. That's not how people work. The only character that was even a little okay was Michael, like the part at the end where he calls out Jeremy for calling girls “females.” People will say things like “oh all these bad reviews are coming from people who like the musical.” I'm familiar with the musical and honestly I already thought parts of it were problematic. But at least in the musical you don't get the idea that Jeremy is an absolute asshole from the very start, and in the end at least there's just a little bit of redemption. Am I supposed to like Jeremy? Am I supposed to root for him? He only gets this Device because he wants girls to fuck him. At least in the musical it's more of a generalized feeling of wanting to just not feel so self-conscious all the time, which I can get. We get all of his terrible, horrible, inner monologue in this book and I feel like I read the diary of a 14 year old boy who's going to shoot up a school in a year.
I honestly already had some issues with Ned Vizzini after reading It's Kind of a Funny Story for the same toxic masculinity reasons. But I felt sympathy towards him because I knew he struggled with his own mental health issues before killing himself a few years ago. And I really don't like to detest someone or something so much if I know they have these mental health issues because I get it and I too can act like a dick because of my anxiety or something else. But this was so different. Jeremy was such a massive asshole who thought he was entitled to girls simply because he wanted them. I could keep ranting about this forever and I'm sure I actually will to people in the future. It was so gross. It was so disgusting. I kept reading paragraphs going, did he actually just say that? Did I actually just read that? In a totally non-satirical way?
Plot twist: girls can just not like you. Accept that and move on. Ned I'm sorry and I know you were suffering, but it's not up to women to cure someone. Getting laid won't suddenly make a person not depressed or suicidal or have social anxiety. Jeremy was literally just a narcissist who needed to actually just go to therapy and take some medication. And maybe look at a girl without immediately accessing her physical attributes. “Never ever be mean to girls, unless they're ugly.” Give me a goddamn break.
One star for Michael Mell only.
This left me with a lot of pain as I'm on the train home from work. It's been forever since I started and finished a book that wasn't just a collection of poems or a play. And I don't think I've ever finished a book on the train. I get nauseous and there were so many people and I guess I felt like someone would look at me and wonder why it looked like this girl was about to cry on the train.
I found myself very attached to the writing. To the character. It wasn't necessarily the things he thought or endured, but the way his mind would jump from memory to memory with his thoughts on each one changing too. I don't know. It's been a while since I've finished a book. This one was different. And it hurt a lot. But I couldn't stop. That's not unlike me though. Every review I ever write isn't a review as much as it just is a diary entry after finishing whatever I just finished. I want Matthew to be okay but I know he'll go in and out of it, just like me, just like everyone. I could keep writing the nonsense coming out of me right now but I don't know where else to go.
a poem called “the loneliest sweet potato” begins with the line: “i am at the grocery store because i feel sad”
there are a lot of contemporary poetry collections i love
this is not one of them
i groaned and sighed so many times reading this
i don't even know what to say
just don't read this if you don't have to
