ren

I listened to the audio book, and I was taken for A RIDE. GOOD GRIEF. I Knew nothing about this book, just saw that the author of convience store woman had a new book out, and it had a cute hedgehog on the front and an interesting name. It's been on my TBR on libby since its release and yesterday I decided to pick it up.

i'll start out with (minor spoilers) a CW for abuse of all forms. this book is not for the faint hearted. I think this bait and switch is part of its appeal, but I wish i had known before getting into it. It doesn't stop there.

then there's BIG SPOILERS CW for CSA, rape/abuse, parent neglect/abuse to children, sex between children, victim blaming a CHILD, murder, murder again, murder again AND EVEN BIGGER SPOILERS CW - seriously this spoils the ending, read at your peril and cannibalism and LIVE CANNIBALISM. this isn't just a little cannibalism as a treat, this is EXTENSIVE DESCRIPTIONS OF EATING DEAD AND LIVE BODIES/PEOPLE.
I really should have looked up the first genre on this page as HORROR and not read this book. Horror is typically not a genre I like in any media. I don't even watch scary movies with friends. But I didn't know, and once I popped I could not stop.

I was enjoying immensely the little odd chuuni girl talking about her cute hedgehog friend and her magic mirror. and i really vibed with the parts of the books where she described her powers, the fictional planet, and appreciated the allegories around disassociation/protecting oneself from abuse and how that shows up differently in different individuals etc. it was horrifying, and the abuse was harrowing. But I was incredibly drawn into Natsuki's story. I found an odd vindication when she killed "the witch" - being her paedophile teacher. and the imagery around this was really interesting to read. I wish all abuse surviours a very murder your abuser, so it hit home for me. The parts describing the pink walls, blue blob, golden liquid were *chefs kiss* And when she couldn't put two and two together, when later it was revealed that he was murdered with a Scythe 'just like the one i used to kill the witch!'

The abuse descriptions/general theme of this book were heavy, and hard to get through. Sayaka does not pull her punches with being extremely graphic with this. (The period pad scene!!! BRO!!!) It's so unsettling and creepy. It took a real turn at the end and MAJOR ENDING SPOILERS: during the whole eating people section I found it really hard to get through, and I'm not sure if any of that even happened. How were they there chomping on each other's shoulders, index fingers, thighs, eyelids and internal organs and still able to stand/walk around the next day. Time to go and watch some youtube analysis and wash my ears out with bleach.

I really don't know how I felt about this book, It was not enjoyable or pleasant, but parts of it were really gripping and I couldn't put it down. its the classic ‘like watching a car crash'
But the ending really tipped it over for me and I couldn't handle it. Jeez this book is gonna stay with me for a long time

i loved this until Shiraha was re-introduced. i wish he had less ‘screen time' as i found it painstaking to read through his dialogue. obviously he's supposed to be an irritating character but to have so much of the book taken up by him felt like a slog, personally. i wish Keiko had shovel'd him the first night he stayed over. i was expecting her to have killed him by the end and to be honest i was hoping she would.
i dislike the timid autistic character be taken advantage of trope so I'm glad she prevailed in the end even if there was no comeuppance for Shiraha.
4 stars with 1 star for everything involving Shiraha's monologues rounds this out to a 3.
i think i might enjoy this more on a re-read knowing what to expect but it was enjoyable nonetheless.

The last section lets this book down for me, the whole book was a little slow- but i didn't dislike that. The last 50 pages or so are just a turnabout speedrun with - for me, an unsatisfying ending. i know things can't be wrapped up in a bow but i do feel a certain character was let down and lacked a lot of agency. i wish we could have seen more of her own perspective, mixed/changing feelings and agenda.

I was very enthralled by parts of it and thought Snow was written very well, always teetering between charming and terrifying. I found my self simultaneously cheering for she being unnerved by the romance, i think this is exactly what Collins was going for. I would have liked Tigris to have a larger role, she was a very interesting character especially knowing where she ends up!

The Mockingjay symbolism was interesting but was a bit in your face by the end of it

i don't know what i can say that others haven't far better than i could. (then i go and write a freaking essay on my random twilight thoughts, go figure) There are many obvious issues with this book that i was aware of when reading for the first time but many that went over my head.
it's so unrealistic but at the same time knowingly how deeply (and stupidly) i loved at 17 I'd probably throw it all away for a hot vampire boy i didn't know too
i read this at some point between 2006-2008, i don't remember much of what i thought at the time. i wasn't as into it as some of the kids at my school were but i read them all and remember talking about them with my friends.

a year(?) ago i watched this youtube video called something like ‘sorry smeyer' about how she got absolutely bodied for stuff which was kind of out of her hands (basically that she was writing wish fulfilment and wasn't trying to be a model to young girls or best seller) and how while there are some questionable things in the book she didn't deserve the strength and amount of hate she got. it was an interesting video and must have planted a seed. two months ago i randomly watched the first twilight movie and unintentionally ‘ironically' got back into twilight. i found all the Twilight memes from the tumblr Twilight renaissance which had been going strong for a few years i guess. and discovered that midnight sun was officially published. i read it because i didn't want to reread the whole series but wanted to remember what fandom was talking about. i watched all the movies in a few days while i was recovering from my covid vax and a fun time was had by all. i ended up deciding to listen to twilight when i needed a break from ‘serious' reading. (hey, I've read much worse for dumber reasons)

reading midnight sun made me appreciate Bella's character a lot more this time around as she had more of an obvious personality. While it was hilarious to read from Edward's perspective it really hit home all the fucked up stuff he does (wish i could remember what teen me thought about Edward watching her sleep). i just feel so sorry for Bella. she's infatuated with a guy who is terrible for her, the only thing she seems to appreciate about him are his looks and mysteriousness (no judgement i was obsessed with a guy in high school I'd never spoken to lol, being a teen is fun) and then when unexpectedly they get together the only thing they really do is stare into each other's eyes and tell each other how much they love each other. except when edward tells Bella she's stupid and puts her down. :( like Bella IS being stupid but that's no excuse Edward!!!
The fandom for this series is so fun and im glad it's become so far removed from the author and the less savoury things in the story. i mostly enjoyed myself while reading this book but the most interesting part was the beginning when she was figuring out wtf Edward was. The longer it goes the more infatuated she gets and i feel bad for her, she really needs good friends. by the time we get to the james stuff i was