How Not to Be an *SS

This originally appeared at The Irresponsible Reader.
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WHAT'S HOW NOT TO BE AN SS ABOUT?
This is a collection of essays built around the idea that men who are an *ss (the asterisk is courtesy of Bauman, not me) can change and become a good and safe men.

* Plus a couple of poems. Entirely skippable poems (your results may vary).

Bauman calls men to an authentic, Biblical masculinity—one built on humility, kindness, and service. While offering concrete ways to set aside patterns of abuse and neglect.

GOOD AND SAFE MEN
Bauman's description of Good and Safe men is maybe filled with a few too many buzzwords. But when you get past that, I really appreciated what he had to say, and I wish I heard more things like that coming from Reformed and Evangelical men.

HIS DEFINITION OF *SS
A lot of the time he's talking about an *ss, he's talking about something worse. Something like a felon (perhaps not a convicted felon, but someone who should be charged, at least). Most of what he describes as an *ss are abusers. I think we should call them what they are.

Even if you take his *ss as a range—from “The Unaware Fool” (although by definition, some of those he considers unaware, are aware) to “The Narcissistic Coward”—he spends most of his time on “The Narcissistic Coward” when it's the Fool that would be more open to the help and guidance.

SHORTCOMING
There are two that seem the most prominent. First, this is an essay collection, not a sustained argument. As a result, it's a bit scatter-shot and hard to draw any firm conclusions about some of the material. Also, it makes some of the material too surface-level.

Secondly, it's focused too much on the abusive man, on ways to he can improve. But earlier on, it seemed to be a book for those who weren't abusive, but are wanting to be better, safer men. Now, don't get me wrong—I'm all for the former. But I got the impression when I bought the book (and in the early essays) that it was about the latter.

SO, WHAT DID I THINK ABOUT HOW NOT TO BE AN *SS?
I'm not sure that what I've said here is that helpful without digging in deep into his arguments and suggestions—and to do that is beyond what I have time for here. But hopefully, there's something useful here.

There's a lot of good here, a lot of important resources. The theological language is a little imprecise for my taste, but none of it is a deal-breaker for me. The gold outweighs the chaff.

It's not the book I thought I was getting, but I'm glad that I read it. I wanted more, sure, but I liked what I got.