In Transit: Being Non-Binary in a World of Dichotomies

Same: “Theory gave me the language to understand myself, define my space within the world, and consider the ways in which we think about the self and the other, in all the queerest ways.”

“I'm in my thirties now. I've spent the last decade unpacking most of the lessons I learned about the roles of men and women in the world. I've come out to myself and the world as a lesbian. And now, the more and more I think about what it means to be my very self, the more and more the label of “woman” feels incorrect, a label imposed by forces outside of me.”

“I knew that girl from back then never quite sat right in her gender, either, even though she was fine and happy with who she was.”

“the goal of non-binary identity is never to “pass” as a singular gender but rather, by our very existence, challenge and deconstruct the ways assumptions and presuppositions about gender altogether.”

“Theory gave me the language to understand myself, define my space within the world, and consider the ways in which we think about the self and the other, in all the queerest ways.”

“gender is not inherent at birth but rather made through the collective action of response to outward and inward stimuli.”

“Identity—particularly gender—is not sprung whole cloth out of some mystical, ethereal plane but is instead the continued, habitual practice of following the rules of our society set up for genders. Women are women because they consistently practice their gender in ways that have been largely culturally agreed upon as “womanhood.””

->“Because of the ways in which my language was restricted and denied to me as a young person, I, like many other millennials, am only just now realizing who I am.”

So cool: “the colonies themselves had people who exhibited what we now identify as transgender identities. Most famous, perhaps, is that of the Public Universal Friend, an AFAB evangelist who, in 1776, reportedly died and then resurrected as a genderless androgyne who preached a gospel similar to common Quaker theology. They refused the use of gendered pronouns and wore androgynous clothing throughout their life. Their clothing was a traditional black clergy robe, under which feminine petticoats peeked out, and a traditionally masculine brimmed hat paired with traditionally feminine scarves. They called themselves Public Universal Friend, which companions at the time respected, referring to them as The Friend or simply P.U.F. When interlopers inquired about their gender or manner of dress, they would simply reply in a style mimicking biblical text: “I am that I am.”” ... “The Friend's refusal to be called by gendered pronouns—neither he nor she—and desire to be referred to simply as The Friend indicate that their life was not an exercise in female empowerment but rather something else entirely: non-binary before we had the words for it.”

“our history as a queer community has been erased through brutal acts of violence and suppression. The reason many think trans people are a new thing is not solely because of ignorance; it is because we have been violently removed and silenced, kept out of the narrative and unable to tell our own stories. The reason many think trans people are a new thing is not solely because of ignorance; it is because we have been violently removed and silenced, kept out of the narrative and unable to tell our own stories.”

“The LGBTQ+ community lost centuries of research and the archives of our kind to the violence of fascists, which has allowed others to rewrite our history to remove us from it entirely. To properly and accurately discuss trans identity and trans formation, one must understand that it includes a history of being erased, excluded, and violently removed from history.”

This was one of my favorite quotes in this book:

“Non-binary finds a home in the borderlands, neither man nor woman, happily read as the Mindy St. Claire of the gendered world, alone in our own “medium place.””

“For the non-binary, it is our desire to simply exist as a “not,” as a permanently perceived Other. Our very presence calls to attention the question of gender as a given, forcing others into confusion to the delight of our trollish selves. Non-binary people are, in a sense, fleeing womanhood and manhood, but we are not fleeing to a perceived easier space or to a home, necessarily. We are fleeing to the in-between, constantly running, forever traveling but never landing, in that liminal space between destinations. I am choosing, for now, to exist in this middle ground, in my medium place.”

“They purposely eschew the idea of “passing” as any other gender than what they are, often embracing a presentation of the genderfuck—the person who deliberately refuses to be read as one gender or the other as a mechanism to overturn ideas about gender signaling altogether.”
(I love that!)

“My own humanity isn't something I should have to make an argument for.”

“Quite often, we knew something was “off” but didn't have the language or concepts to explain it. I had to do so much reading before I came out about my identity—I wanted first and foremost to be an expert on myself and what my gender meant to me.”

“This is what the stakes are. Your choices can make the world better for our community, or complacency can make it worse. We aren't going anywhere, but sometimes we're just tired of having to be our own advocates all the time. You must stand in for us when we cannot stand for ourselves, hold the line when we are failing, and be willing to take on just a small bit of the risk we take in living our authentic selves every day. Love only wins if we fight for it.”

“Our hope sits in the complicated, complex stories of who we are, as queer people, as parents, siblings, family, friends, strangers, lovers. When we remember who we are, we have hope.”