Men Have Called Her Crazy: A Memoir
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15
Ratings2
Average rating3
A powerful memoir that reckons with mental health as well as the insidious ways men impact the lives of women.
In early 2021, popular artist Anna Marie Tendler checked herself into a psychiatric hospital following a year of crippling anxiety, depression, and self-harm. Over two weeks, she underwent myriad psychological tests, participated in numerous therapy sessions, connected with fellow patients and experienced profound breakthroughs, such as when a doctor noted, “There is a you inside that feels invisible to those looking at you from the outside.”
In Men Have Called Her Crazy, Tendler recounts her hospital experience as well as pivotal moments in her life that preceded and followed. As the title suggests, many of these moments are impacted by men: unrequited love in high school; the twenty-eight-year-old she lost her virginity to when she was sixteen; the frustrations and absurdities of dating in her mid-thirties; and her decision to freeze her eggs as all her friends were starting families.
This stunning literary self-portrait examines the unreasonable expectations and pressures women face in the 21st century. Yet overwhelming and despairing as that can feel, Tendler ultimately offers a message of hope. Early in her stay in the hospital, she says, “My wish for myself is that one day I’ll reach a place where I can face hardship without trying to destroy myself.” By the end of the book, she fulfills that wish.
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I was rooting for u Anna Marie but man I just don't know about this. Like I know when her memoir was first announced a lot of people (myself included tbh) were like “oooh she is gonna roast John Mulaneyyyy” but a) she doesn't directly talk about him at all (fine, tasteful even), just a few references to “going through a divorce”) and b) like...if anything before she wrote this I think my understanding was like “ohh JM got too famous and cheated on her with a more famous woman and abandoned his wonderful artist wife and their beloved dog, how could he?!” and now I'm like “man I kinda get it.”
I didn't know too much about her as a person aside from hearing about her in Mulaney's comedy. Like here on GR the description of her book describes her as “popular artist Anna Marie Tendler” and I was like, oh, IS she a popular artist?? And I guess yeah she's a photographer but one of my main takeaways from this is that as much as she has endured bad treatment from men/the patriarchy/SOCIETY...also she has definitely financially benefitted from a series of wealthier boyfriends who supported her art/grad school/etc. Like it doesn't seem like she's ever had a true JOB. And not to channel my inner Puritan or whatever but like she's almost 40 and maybe like...get a job????? sorry babe
The title is so interesting and provocative because I mean it does sound like she has dealt with pretty serious mental illness for most of her life (which like yes could also be something preventing her from getting a job but that's not really a concept being explored in her book). Which it sounds like bad treatment from men has contributed to her state but not fully caused it? And she also specifically had maybe the worst experience with one of her female therapists so it's really not as simple as “men think she's a crazy bitch because she dares to have emotions!”
Like this is sort of a backdoor argument for better social safety nets in the US, I suppose. If we had UBI maybe she could just work on her lampshades and recovery without relying on her boyfriends/husbands' money. But mostly I felt like my sympathy and my feminism were being SORELY tested by this book. I wanted to root for her but I am kind of just like...get a job?????
I think perhaps a better book might have focused more on her time in the hospital and less time on her past boyfriends? Like I had wanted to read more about her because I was like “ok yeah it's not cool to just define her as JM's ex” but it sort of seems like she defines HERSELF as an ex. Which again is sort of you know the PATRIARCHY but if you're going to write a book about it maybe like, go a little deeper??
mostly I think this could have just been for her group chat.
It was a pretty quick read, though, so I did finish it.
